|
"Thank You, that all the pain, so much, so many betrayals and shattered dreams, so much being forgotten and left alone, as though I did not and never existed, the myriad of harsh words and many harsh looks, the accusations against for pursuit of only truth and desire to love freely and all, the being seen as a threat to the dogmas, ... this never finally closed the heart. Thank you, yes, thank you, for the first tenderness remains, remains childlike as when I was a child."
I cannot be neutral
I must choose
I cannot escape
hardhearted or tenderhearted
the choice I make
that choice I become
* * *
As a child, I remember walking alone to the church a few blocks from my house to light candles. I didn’t have a firm idea about to whom I was offering them. I had no concepts about faith or any shoulds or shouldn’ts, dos and don’ts, surrounding spirituality. I just felt attracted to the light. The experience of awe and humility that I sometimes encountered inspired this early impulse to devotion and aroused in me a longing to express it. I intuitively understood that this was something that arose deep within the nature of my being, and it didn’t occur to me to name it. Whether as a child or as an adult, we are all susceptible to moments when we emerge from our habitual reality. In these moments, we glimpse the magnificence of the world around us.
*Elizabeth Mattis Namgyel. The Logic of Faith: A Buddhist Approach to Finding Certainty Beyond Belief and Doubt.
* * *
The adjective "tender" derives into English, early 13th Century, via Old French tendre, "soft, delicate; young," and the French comes from the Latin tenerem (nominative tener), "soft, delicate, of tender age, youthful"; related words are, Sanskrit tarunah, "young, tender," Greek teren, "tender, delicate," Armenian t'arm, "young, fresh, green."
Following the Way leads us back to a lost tenderness, a recapture of innocence, the pliability of the young tendril flowing with the subtle breeze. This sensitivity and agility, in our pursuit to survive and make a way in the world of competition for goods and success, is often buried, forgotten. We may, then, be surprised when this arises suddenly; we may feel such sensitivity a threat to our hard-won show of strength and competence, our having proven we are an adult, not a child.
Yet, the child in a healthy environment early has this natural sensitivity, this visceral awareness of what what Elizabeth Mattis Namgyel, above, refers to as "the magnificence of the world around us." An adult is childlike in returning to this awareness, embodying it, and not being afraid to appear weak for being innocent in being and sharing.
Continued... |
